Thanksgiving, Newlywed Life, and My First Lesson in the Incident Command System (ICS) How one holiday dinner taught me more about ICS than any classroom ever did.
Eighteen years ago, when my wife and I were newly married, I decided I would heroically take charge of our very first Thanksgiving dinner. I was confident, enthusiastic, and—looking back—wildly misguided about how much authority I actually had. At the time, I didn’t know much about the Incident Command System, at least not the way I understand it today. But that first Thanksgiving together quickly became the perfect case study.
Recently, a good friend of mine—who teaches ICS professionally—reminded me of this story and suggested I share it. So here it is. ⸻
I Assumed Frying the Turkey Made Me the Incident Commander Back then, I believed that whoever controlled the turkey—especially a deep-fried turkey—controlled the entire operation. After all, frying the turkey requires precision, safety, timing, and a healthy respect for hot oil. It felt like the high-risk, high-importance task that should come with command authority. So naturally, I declared myself the Incident Commander (IC). How wrong I was.
My Wife Informed Me I Was Not the IC My wife, with the kind of gentle clarity that only newlyweds can deliver, let me know that I was not, in fact, in charge of Thanksgiving. So I recalculated: clearly she must be the IC.
Nope.
The Real IC Revealed: My Mother-In-Law The true Incident Commander—with the vision, strategy, and authority that ICS assigns to the role—was my mother-in-law.
She set:
• The overall objectives
• The mealtime
• The menu flow
• The expectations for how the day should unfold She had the big-picture view and determined what success looked like. Classic Incident Commander behavior. Eighteen years later, the chain of command remains undisputed.
My Wife Was the Operations Section Chief Once I understood who actually held command, everything fell into place. My wife was clearly running Operations. She coordinated what needed to happen inside:
• When side dishes went in the oven
• When ingredients got prepped
• How everything synchronized with my turkey-frying timeline
• Who was helping with what Operations translates strategy into action, and she kept everything moving with precision. ⸻
And Me?
I Was a Single Resource. In ICS terms, I wasn’t a Supervisor, a Division, or a Unit Leader. I was a Single Resource—assigned one task: Fry the turkey and don’t burn down the house. No strategy decisions. No authority. Just me, the fryer, and a mission. Honestly? Appropriate.
Why This Story Still Matters When my ICS-instructor friend urged me to retell this, it wasn’t just for the humor. It perfectly illustrates why ICS works:
• The IC sets the strategy
• Operations executes the plan
• Resources accomplish assigned tasks Whether you’re managing a disaster, coordinating a community event, or hosting your first Thanksgiving as newlyweds, clarity of roles prevents chaos—and possibly grease fires.
Final Takeaways
1. Leadership is about direction, not the biggest or riskiest task.
2. Operations makes strategy real.
3. Every role matters—even the turkey fryer.
4. Mother-in-laws make very effective Incident Commanders.
Eighteen years later, that first ICS lesson still sticks with me. Happy Thanksgiving—and may your command structure always be clear.
